


Jump

by youngliam (EmmaHaldan)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Horses, M/M, Narry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-05-08
Updated: 2013-05-08
Packaged: 2017-12-10 19:05:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/789184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmaHaldan/pseuds/youngliam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Woodbury Stables - a place that’s almost magical, and where Harry is worshipped among the girls.<br/>Woodbury’s got it all; Harry’s three best friends, horses, girls, a new stable boy called Niall, and Harry’s medal horse, Rosie.<br/>But the idyll is fading away, as a heart wrecking turn of events, causes Harry to question his existence, his friendships and what used to be his one true passion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

“She can really move.” Harry said, and leaned back in his chair, with a satisfied smile. Zayn smirked at him, “And some legs, huh?” Harry lifted his eyebrows; “yeah…” he nodded slowly. “You’d look great together.” Zayn added. “Uh-huh, well we got on really well before. You think the lads would like her?” Zayn pulled out his Blackberry; “Let’s find out.” He snapped a few photos and along with the caption “shame you couldn’t be here.” he send them to Liam and Louis. Within a few minutes Liam answered “The new Mrs. Styles? Looking forward to meeting her!”, quickly followed by Louis’ “Fuck you for getting to see that live. She’s hot.” “He’s so jealous it hurts!” Zayn laughed.  
“Hey, you can’t really blame him, can you? Come on.” Harry patted Zayn’s knee and walked towards a serious looking man with an impressive moustache. “Well Mr. Erikson… It’s one fine girl you’ve got.” “You’re interested?” Harry nodded, “Very. Regarding the prize, don’t you think she’s a bit young to be that expensive? I mean she’s lacking a bit of experience.”  
Mr. Erikson shook his head, “What she’s lacking of experience, she’s got in talent. It’s a good deal Mr. Styles. Let’s take a closer look, shall we? Jake? Jake, bring Rosie over here, please!” He called out.  
Zayn looked impressed, “She’s a beauty.” “Yes, she is.” Harry looked at Mr. Erikson, “I think we got a deal then.” He reached out and patted the dark brown mare. “Welcome to the family, Rosie.”


	2. Chapter 1

“Lucky bastard.” Louis mumbled. He, Harry and Liam were sitting on the floor, watching as Zayn groomed Pilgrim; his 7-yearold, black Hanoverian. Harry had just finished telling them every detail about Rosie - again. He was buzzing for her to get to the stables; according to the plan, she would arrive in a week.  
“I just can’t wait to get started. I really think she’s perfect for me.” Zayn smirked, and shook his head, as he moved his hand down one of Pilgrim’s strong black legs, lifted it and started cleaning out the hoof. “Well she’s not going to be the only new addition to Woodbury.” Liam said, gaining some curious looks. “They’ve hired a new stable boy. Apparently he’s starting tomorrow.” For a bunch of lads, they were unusually into gossip - at least when it came to the happenings at Woodbury Stables. Zayn finished the last of Pilgrim’s hooves, and lead the black gelding down to his loosebox. He patted the horse, and then left it to chew on some hay. He turned to the other boys, “So, what are we doing tonight?”  
The four boys were practically joined at the hip. As girls - and a few boys - came and went, they were always there for each other; had been since primary school, when they had first met each other on Woodbury’s riding class for beginners. Whereas Zayn and Harry had turned out to be very promising, well-known show-jumpers, and since they were 14, had been riding for Woodbury’s team, and not only as individuals; Liam and Louis were a lot more into Eventing, which included dressage, show jumping and cross-country. They had both chosen not to focus just as much on the competitions as the others; instead whenever Zayn and Harry went to competitions, they would go with them, to help out with the horses etc. Each of the boys had a horse; Zayn had Pilgrim and Harry had recently sold his beloved gelding, Legend, and purchased Rosie instead. Louis had a dapple-grey Holsteiner, called Pandora - a hot-headed little mare, and a sharp contrast to Liam’s Tess; a Blazer Horse, trustworthy, with a good head and which he was absolutely smitten with. Due to the fact that Harry and Zayn rode for Woodbury, they had to put “Woodbury’s” in front of their horses’ names. Therefore, Rosie would soon become Woodbury’s Rosie.  
The boys and their horses were pretty much worshipped among the girls in the stables, but they preferred to stay with each other, rather than to hang around the blushing and squealing females.  
“Let’s just go home, yeah? Watch a movie or something?” Harry looked around at the lads, who all shrugged their shoulders and nodded. This wasn’t new for them; quite often, would they decide to do something exciting, and then end up on a coach with junk food and crappy movies instead.  
They left the stables, and squeezed together in Liam’s car. They were living in two apartments next to each other; Zayn and Liam in one, Harry and Louis in another. They ate together, used each other’s bathrooms, beds and clothes. Harry would freak out, if Liam and Zayn’s place were too messy, and Liam would do so, if Harry and Louis forgot to turn of the lights, before going somewhere.  
In the hall they separated, all wanting to take a shower, before their wild night on the couch. Louis double-checked the other two’s orders, before closing the door. Harry was already half naked, walking towards the bathroom. “Just order, while I shower, will you?” He called out, as he turned the water on. When the temperature was okay, he stepped in, and let the warm water pour down over his tired body. He scrubbed a hand down his face, and let out a sigh. This was the downside, of being a horse-boy; the exhaustion. He washed his hair, and then stood a few more minutes under the comforting stream of water, before Louis started knocking on the door. “Hazza come on!” Then he stepped out, wrapped a towel around his body and walked out into the living room. Louis was leaning against the kitchen counter, still in his charcoal riding breeches. He looked up, and met Harry’s eyes. “For your own sake, I hope there’s still some warm water left.” He said half-jokingly, “Tosser.” Harry stuck his tongue out, and punched Louis’ arm. “You smell!”  
He then went to his room, and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, and an old t-shirt, and as he entered the living room again, Liam walked in, followed by Zayn. Zayn only wore a pair of PJ-pants, and went straight to Harry’s dresser, to borrow a shirt form him. Liam was carrying 5 pizza boxes - they would usually eat one each, and then share the last one - and put them down on the coffee table. “What are we watching?” “No idea, I can’t find anything that looks good.” Harry stretched out his long limbs, and yawned, while Liam flicked from channel to channel. Louis came out from the bathroom, hair a complete mess and cheeks a bit red, from the heath. Wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of boxers, he let himself dump down next to Harry on the couch, took the remote from Liam, and finally switched to a documentary about deep-sea animals. “That’s rather interesting, ain’t it?” he asked, not really wanting an answer, as he was already engrossed by the weird shapes and colors. Zayn sighed, and got started on his pizza. Liam was slightly interested in the documentary as well, but he withdrew from it, for a minute, and looked around, “Should we take the horses to the beach for a ride tomorrow?” Louis nodded, not once taking his eyes off of the screen; Zayn’s face lit up, “Yeah that sounds like fun! We haven’t done that in ages.” Liam smiled and then turned to Harry, who shook his head, “I haven’t got a horse at the moment, remember?” “You could probably take Dancer, Jake wouldn’t mind.” Liam tried, but Harry shook his head again, “No it’s okay, I’ll just stay at the stables, help out a bit or something.”  
5 pizzas and 2½ hours of jellyfish later, Louis turned off the TV and covered his sleeping friends with blankets, before he snuggled down next to Harry, and fell asleep himself.

“You sure you don’t want to come?” Louis asked, looking a bit worried, as he tried his best to make an excited Pandora stand still. “Yeah really, it’s fine. Now go!” Harry laughed. The three lads waved at him, turned their horses, and rode away.  
Harry then roamed around the stables for a bit. He helped some girl, whose horse almost ran away, as she was leading it towards the fenced grass field; swept the stables and cleaned out three loose boxes. Then he let himself rest outside in the sun. He closed his eyes, and let the sun warm his face. Harry had to admit, he would’ve loved to go to the beach; he hadn’t had a proper beach-race with the boys, for months now. “Harry! Just the man I needed.” David, Woodbury’s owner and riding master, yelled. Harry laughed, and kept his eyes shut. “What do you need Dave?”  
“Could you show our new stable boy around? I’ve got a riding lesson in 10 minutes.” Harry knew that this was more a word of command, than a question, but he didn’t really mind. “Sure.” He answered, and opened his eyes a bit, and shaded them with his hand.  
Harry felt like he was being punched in the stomach; his cocky smile faded to an astonished expression, and his eyes grew wide, as he felt butterflies occur in his stomach. Before him stood a boy, about the same age as Harry himself; he was blonde, and not nearly as tall as Harry, but well-built, with a slender but still muscular body. He smiled down at Harry - clearly amused by his startled expression - and Harry knew he’d never ever seen such blue eyes. “Hi, I’m Niall.”


	3. Chapter 2

Harry’s head was spinning, and his mouth was sligthly open. “Are you okay Harry?” David asked, leaning down a bit, to look at him. “Uhm… Yeah… Yeah, I’m fine.” Harry answered; he shook his head and pulled himself together. When he got up, he smiled nervously at David, before he turned to the blonde boy. “Well.. uhm, I’m Harry Styles, and er…. Yeah that’s about it.” He could feel himself blushing a bit; what was going on? He was acting crazy! Niall shook Harry’s hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Harry.” He said, with a crooked smile. “You’re from Ireland, I take it?” Harry asked; to his relief, he was starting to feel a bit more comfortable. A bit.“I am; Mullingar to be exact. I moved in with my aunt a few weeks ago, and now I’ll be living here, somewhere…” Niall answered, as they started walking. “Yeah, the cabin. Would you like to check that out first, or..?” Niall shook his head, “No, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to see everything else first, and then I’ve got some boxes, I need to get to the… the cabin? Why’s it called that?” He smiled, and Harry noticed that he had slightly crooked teeth. Harry shrugged his shoulders, “Because it’s a log cabin.” The blonde boy jokingly put on a worried frown. “Relax, it’s recently been renovated on the inside. It’s really cool!” Harry laughed. “Well, this is the stables. We’ve got space for 90 horses in here, but there are only 87 at the moment, and then there are 13 more in David’s private stables. Did you bring a horse?” Niall looked around, “Yeah, a gelding. He’s called DJ. My aunt is driving him here later today, along with some of my stuff.”  
Niall was wearing some washed-out jeans, a white t-shirt, and some worn-out sneakers. He looked good. You’re staring. A small voice in Harry’s head piped up. Niall had noticed too, it seemed, as he smiled widely at Harry, who tried to compose himself. “Wauw, er… that sounds great. I… - I could help you get his loose-box ready, if you’d like me to?” Harry stuttered. What was it about this boy that made him so insecure?  
“You don’t have to do that, you know.”  
“I’d like to.” Harry started walking again, “This is the riding hall.” He pushed one of the great doors open, and they stepped inside. “One out of two, actually. This one is 34x80 meters. The other one’s a bit smaller.”  
Niall looked around; this was all a lot bigger, than what he was used to. The hall was light, and its roof was arched - rather beautiful.  
“Outside we’ve got three jumping courses; two of them are grass, the last one’s sand. Furthermore we’ve got four outdoor riding rings, and if you go 15 minutes that way -“, Harry pointed in a direction, “There’s a cross-country course that David shares with another guy.”  
“Seems like you’ve got it all.” Niall said, clearly impressed, and as Harry looked at the blonde boy with the incredibly blue eyes, he couldn’t help but think that maybe Niall was right; with the arrival of the new stable boy maybe Woodbury actually had it all.  
Harry showed Niall around for about an hour and a half, checking all the facilities out, and answering any questions the new boy might have. He told him about the feeding routines and how the rider’s common room was open from 7:30 - 22:00. “… there’s always a lot of girls there, and they can be really loud. You might want to avoid -“ Niall’s phone rang, and he fished it out of his pocket, and answered it. “Hi auntie May. Yeah…” Niall nodded to himself, “Yeah I’ll be right there.” He put the phone away again, and looked up. “My aunt is here.”  
Harry awkwardly followed Niall down to the parking lot, where a range rover and a horse trailer were waiting for them. A woman with short brown hair, walked towards them. “Hi there, I’m May.” She greeted Harry, who shook her hand. “I’m Harry, nice to meet you.” He answered politely, before taking a step back, letting Niall and his aunt get everything under control. Niall went into the trailer, speaking softly to the horse, and Harry could feel his heart flutter. He shrugged it off, thinking he just liked it when people treated animals with respect. He realized he’d been holding his breath, when Niall backed out of the trailer, with a brown and white Pinto horse. Niall lead the gelding towards Harry, who nodded at May before he escorted Niall and DJ to the stables. “He’s really beautiful.” Harry complimented, and Niall nodded. “Yeah, he’s quite special; got a wall eye.” He answered, and pointed to DJ’s left eye. It was blue and kind of glassy looking.  
When they entered the stables, Harry grabbed a straw fork, but someone had been there before them, getting the loose-box ready. Niall let DJ walk into the box, patted him and closed the gate. “Well erm… Do you… Do you need a hand with your stuff?” Harry asked, and Niall looked at him, that small crooked smile, lighting up his face. “Yeah… Actually that’d be nice.”  
Harry found two wheel barrows in which they stuffed all Niall’s things, that way they only had to take the walk two times.  
When all the boxes and bags were safely inside the cabin, Niall sat down on the floor, resting his head in his hands. Knowing David, Harry went out to the fridge; it was already stuffed with drinks and food. He grabbed to cokes, and walked back to Niall. “You don’t have to go grocery shopping anytime soon. Here you go.” He said, and handed one of the cans to Niall, whose fingers brushed against Harry’s, as he reached for the coke. Harry’s heart beat so fast, that he laid a hand on his chest, as if to calm it down. Niall frowned at Harry, “Are you okay?” their eyes locked, and Harry felt like those blue orbs looked right through him, and saw things he hadn’t even seen himself yet.  
He swallowed hard, but couldn’t look away. “Yeah…” He put down his unopened can, “Uhm, it’s quite late, I have to go. I’ll see you around, yeah?” Niall looked confused, but smiled and nodded. “Thanks for the help.” 

Harry took the bus home. He hadn’t done that in a long time, but the lads had gone home hours earlier, and considering the amount of unanswered calls and texts on his phone, he couldn’t ask them to pick him up. He curled up on a seat in the back of the bus, and leaned his head against the cold window. If he used to be exhausted after a day in the stables, he was literally dead on his feet, after today.  
He was so confused, his head was starting to hurt from all the thinking, and even though it was late august, and still very warm outside, he started shivering.  
He got off the bus, and dragged himself up the stairs. When he entered his and Louis’ apartment, he was greeted by a yelling Zayn. “Where the hell have you been all day? We’ve been calling and texting you, and we waited for you for two hours, before we decided to go home!” Harry walked straight past him, and over to the sink, where he poured himself a glass of water, and gulped it down, before pouring another one.  
“We know you were showing the new stable boy -“ butterflies fluttered in Harry’s stomach, “- around, but you could’ve answered, or called us back.” Liam added, shooting Zayn a warning glare. Harry could feel his knees go weak, and he had to support himself against the kitchen counter. Louis was by his side, in a matter of seconds. “What’s wrong?” Harry’s lips were shivering as well as the rest of his body. “… don’t feel good.” He mumbled. “You’re looking kind of pale too.” Louis frowned.  
Before he knew it, Harry was being tucked into bed, a cup of steaming hot tea was brought to his nightstand, and the light turned down to a minimum. The boys left him, telling him to wake them up, if he felt worse.  
Harry did feel worse. He felt a lot worse, but he didn’t wake them up. Instead he curled up in a ball, and sobbed down into his pillow. The entire day had been way too much for him to handle, and he still had no idea why. It wasn’t like him to act that way, and it sure wasn’t like him to break down crying, afterwards.


	4. Chapter 3

Having caught a bad cold, Harry ended up staying in bed for three days. The lads went to the stables at different times, so that at least one of them could stay with Harry, and make sure he ate his food, had enough clothes on, and drank 1000 liters of water. When Harry didn’t sleep, he’d spend the time watching F.R.I.E.N.D.S, reading and getting Rosie’s transportation all sorted out. He pushed every thought of Niall, to the back of his head, and when he was finally ready to go to the stables again, he was absolutely sure, that he’d overreacted, and that Niall was just a generally good guy, who was easy to talk to; nothing special, about the Irish boy. The three others had of course already met him, while Harry had been confined to his bed, and they seemed to really like him, which calmed Harry down a bit; it wasn’t just him. Niall was just really charismatic.   
Sunday afternoon, Harry pulled on his beige riding breeches, and a dark brown polo. When he joined the others in the living room, Liam looked at him. “Are you sure, you’re ready to go? Do you feel okay?”   
“I feel just fine, Liam. Now let’s go. Rosie will be here tomorrow, and I’ve got a lot of things to do.” 

“Up and about, are we Harry? How do you feel?” David greeted, when they entered the stables. Harry smiled, “I feel perfectly fine, thanks. I’m going to get the loose-box ready for Rosie, and then I’ll clean all my stuff, so it’s ready for her as well.” David nodded satisfied, and then turned to Zayn. “If you’re ready in half an hour, we can work on Pilgrim’s take-off?” Zayn nodded, “Yeah, that’d be great!” and headed towards Pilgrim’s loose-box, to get him ready for the private lesson.   
Louis and Liam both wanted to exercise their horses in the outdoor riding rings, and soon enough, Harry was left to himself. He cleaned all the stuff he’d used for Legend, before he went outside to watch Louis and Liam ride for a bit. When he made it to the riding rings, he saw a young girl called Sophie, trotting around in one of them. In the middle of that ring, stood Niall, and Harry’s heart immediately found its way to his throat. He swallowed hard a few times, and tried to turn around, and walk away, but for some reason he couldn’t. Instead he leaned up against the fence, and watched Niall, as he instructed the girl, telling her how to get her pony to work with her, instead of against her. The sun made Niall’s hair look like gold, and Harry could tell he’d already gotten a nice tan, from spending a lot of time outside, most days. He wore a plaid shirt, which complimented his upper body really well - Harry noticed how broad his shoulders were. Niall asked Sophie to stop her pony, and he walked over to the equipage. He gently pushed her toes up and her heel down. “That’s the correct position. I know it’s hard, but as soon as you get the hang of it, everything else, will feel weird. Alright?” He asked, and Sophie’s face lit up in a great smile. “Good. We’ve got a few more minutes left; let’s work on your positioning, yeah?” And then Niall turned around; he caught Harry’s eyes, and flashed a wide, perfect smile. Harry felt a tug in his stomach. Niall ran a hand through his hair, and with one last glance at Harry, he turned to back to Sophie. Harry quickly turned around, and walked towards the stables. He grabbed a hayfork and started to clean out the loose-box for Rosie. His movements were strong and practiced, and he started to sweat a bit from the effort. He was completely absorbed in his task, and it felt nice not to think. Then, without a word, Niall stepped in, with a hayfork in his hand, and started to work alongside Harry, whose heart skipped a beat. Neither of them spoke, and the only sounds were the hayforks’ scraping against the cement floor, and a few girls chattering.   
Harry could’ve beaten himself with the hayfork; why was it so damn hard to find something to say?  
When a nice and fresh layer of straw covered the cement floor, Niall looked at Harry. “You don’t have to worry, you know.” He said, with a knowing smile, and even though Harry had no idea what Niall was talking about, he somehow still understood. He nodded, and allowed himself to smile at the other boy.

A few months flew by. Rosie turned out to be Harry’s soul mate; she’d whinny at him when he walked into the stables, and they became a fantastic team. At their first competition, they got a second place, only beaten by Zayn and Pilgrim. Their results got better every time, and Harry had no problems finding sponsors. He and Zayn were on the front-page of a ton of magazines, and they had a loyal group of fans, who showed up at every event they entered. When Harry started beating Zayn, Liam and Louis mocked the dark-haired boy, but he’d usually just smile at Harry, telling him it was nice to have some competition again. With Harry and Zayn being in the headlines of almost every newspaper, Woodbury got a lot of attention, and it pleased David, who ended up always walking around with a big smile plastered across his face. The girls roaming the stables were head over heels for Niall. The charming Irish lad would usually walk around, a procession of girls following behind him. David was extremely satisfied with the work Niall did, and when he found out Niall rode Western, he let him start a class for beginners. Niall had a lot of riding lessons, and his patient self was ideal for a lot of the youngest riders. He was something special, a complete contrast to Woodbury’s distinguished reputation; he gave it back the spark that, no one knew they’d missed. He quickly became a part of the “gang”; at least, sort of. Harry loved spending time with the blonde boy, and they found themselves growing closer every day. Sometimes Harry would get the, by now, familiar butterflies in his stomach, but he’d gotten used to it, and no longer questioned their presence.  
What worried Harry a little was that Louis seemed to withdraw a bit. Not all the time, and he wasn’t angry or anything, Harry just noticed, that whenever Niall was around - which he was a lot - Louis would smile less, and bite his lip more. But with Harry being on top of the world, and being busy all the time, he couldn’t be bothered about it, and told himself, he was over-analyzing. The event season was over them, and Zayn and Harry went away to big events, almost every weekend, dragging not only Liam and Louis, but also Niall along. Both of them had qualified to a huge event called Royal Windsor Horse Show, and that was what they’d been working towards all this time.   
It was the day before the show, and the stables were unusually quiet, everyone walking around in a nervous daze. Harry and Zayn had their horses tied outside their loose-boxes, both of them balancing on a chair, plaiting their horses’ manes. David had put on some classic music, to calm the boys down, and he’d closed the stables at 7pm, making sure they had some time to relax and get the horses ready. The last group of people left, telling them “good luck” and “we’ll see you there”.   
David had rented three buses, which would come to the stables and pick everyone up, so they could go and see the boys competing.   
Zayn was humming along to the tune, as he finished sewing the braids he’d made in Pilgrim’s mane. Harry was ahead of him, and had already plaited the tail as well. He was grooming an already perfectly groomed Rosie, trying not to freak out. Their saddles, bridles and boots had already been polished, and the other boys had washed their horse trailer for them. Rosie nickered and closed her eyes, as Harry scratched her between her ears. “Harry could you help me for a second?” Zayn asked, obviously having troubles with Pilgrim’s tail. Harry, happy to have something to do, walked over and braided it with skilled fingers.   
When they were both finished, and there was absolutely nothing more to do, they lead the horses into their loose-boxes. Wanting to let the horses rest before the big day, they put all their things in the trailer, and then went to the riders’ common room. They had to get up at 4:30am, be in the stables at 5:00am and then in the car, ready to drive at 5:30. Zayn let his head rest on the table, and mumbled, “Harry, I’m nervous.” Harry looked at him, and Zayn lifted his head, to meet the green pair of eyes. “This is huge, you know.” And Harry nodded. “Yeah, I know. You don’t have to worry though. I mean, it’s okay to be a bit nervous, but Pilgrim has never been better, and you’re just plain fantastic.” He gained a smile from Zayn. “Thanks. Aren’t you nervous at all?” Harry laughed, “Terrified.”   
The door opened, and Niall stepped in, carrying two huge mugs of steaming hot tea. “I thought you might need it.” He smiled, as he placed the mugs on the table. Harry felt a gratefulness fill his body, as he placed his slightly cold hands around the mug, and took a sip. “Join us?” He asked, but Niall shook his head. “No you guys need to relax, and talk. See both of you in the morning, though. Sleep tight!” Zayn waved at him, “Thanks mate.”  
Harry and Zayn sat in silence, and let the warmth of the tea, soothe and reassure them. After a while, Zayn broke the silence, as he stood up. “Well, let’s go home. We need the rest.” He said, and Harry followed him to the car, even though both of them knew, they weren’t going to sleep very much at all. 

To Harry’s surprise it took less than a few minutes, from he got in his bed, before a pleasant darkness washed over him, and he fell asleep.


	5. Chapter 4

Harry drew a deep breath, and looked around; this event was huge. Much bigger than anything he’d ever been to before. He and Zayn had just finished an interview, dealing with questions about how people were counting on them, to represent the UK at the Olympics in a few years, and now they were making their way back to their horses and the lads. “Zayn! Harry!” Someone yelled behind them, and when they turned around they were attacked by Aiden, their friend and rival. “How are you? Are you ready for this? It’s huuuuge, isn’t it?” He was buzzing, and Harry smiled. He’d always like Aiden, and his behavior. “Yeah, I think we’re getting there. Still nervous though. It’s enormous.” Harry said with wide eyes, and Zayn nodded, “Yeah, how have you been? And Valerie is she ready?”   
They talked for a bit, catching up and talking about the course, before Zayn tugged on Harry’s arm, “We’ve got to go Hazza. See you later Aiden. Good luck!”   
Louis, Liam and Niall were sitting on the ground, leaning against the trailer. “You guys better get ready, this class is almost over.” Liam told them, as he got up. “David will be here in a few minutes to walk the course with you.” Harry nodded, and went to get his bag. Zayn got in the car to change, and Harry changed in the trailer. He pulled on his white jodhpurs, tugged the white polo in, buckled the belt and grabbed his black show jumping jacket, and the white gloves. When he got out, David was already there, talking to Zayn. “Styles! Are you ready? Yeah? Let’s go then!” As they started walking, Harry couldn’t help but look back. He caught Niall’s eyes - they still made him dizzy - and Niall gave him thumbs up and nodded, which was all the encouragement Harry needed; he was going to make Niall proud of him. 

Harry could feel Rosie’s muscles work underneath him, as he cued her to start galloping. “Easy babe.” He muttered. He was the last one in his class, and at this time he was buzzing, still a bit nervous, of course, but both Zayn and Aiden had loved the course. He caught a glimpse of the people from Woodbury, all sitting on the edges of their seats. If Harry didn’t beat him, Zayn would win this class. His time was amazing, and Pilgrim had been flying, not even touching the obstacles. It felt good to know, that no matter what, the victory would belong to Woodbury. Rosie threw her head around, and Harry laid a hand on her neck. “Calm down, love.” He said. “Next equipage on the course is Harry Styles and Woodbury’s Rosie; a talented young man and a promising young mare.” Then his signal was made, and he steered Rosie towards the first obstacle; Rosie flew over it. She was quick to catch Harry’s small signals, and they worked as a team. All nerves left Harry’s body, and he let himself enjoy the moment. When they neared the triple combination, Rosie hesitated. Harry used his legs to drive her forward. “Come on Rosie. We’ve got this.” He told the mare, and she made it through the combination. A big smile was plastered across Harry’s face, as he steered Rosie towards the last obstacles; a simple double combination. He knew their time was great, and they were going to beat Zayn and Pilgrim. “That’s it girl. Let’s do it.” The first jump went great, but as they landed, Harry miscalculated the distance, and drove her forward. Rosie wasn’t close enough to the obstacle at all, and Harry knew they weren’t going to make it. She took off way too early, and Harry could do nothing but support her, in her huge jump. He could hear the audience’s roar of relief, as Rosie seemed to get over the obstacle, but when they landed on the other side, Harry felt her loose her footing. To Harry it felt like everything happened in slow-motion; her forelegs seemed to disappear underneath her, and as they stumbled forward, Rosie got down on her knees. She kept trying to get up, but at some point her weight shifted, and her head hit the ground, Harry was thrown off of her bag, and when her hind legs no longer touched the ground, she rolled onto her back. Harry got up, and closed the distance between himself and Rosie. “No, no Rosie, I’m sorry.” He said, clutching his right wrist. He got down on his knees, and tried to block out the screams and cries that rose from the audience, and instead focus on Rosie, who squealed and snorted. She kept trying to get up, but wasn’t able to do so. Four veterinarians reached the fallen horse, and tried to calm it down, while they looked her over. “I’m sorry Rosie, I’m sorry!” Harry cried, tears gathering in his eyes. The speaker said something, but Harry couldn’t hear him. He couldn’t focus on anything, besides the scared look in Rosie’s eyes, and the noises of pain she made. He caressed her head, and kept whispering apologies. A paramedic kneeled down next to Harry, and tried to get him up, but then Harry started screaming. “LET GO OF ME! CAN’T YOU SEE SHE NEED’S ME? LET GO!”  
One of the veterinarians turned to Harry, his facial expression way too obvious for Harry to handle. “Mr. Styles, her leg is broken two places, and she has a fracture on the other knee.” He said, and Harry, who knew where this was leading, started shaking his head. “We’d like your permission to put her down.” When a loud sob escaped Harry’s lips, he realized he was crying actual tears. He kept shaking his head. “No. No we can’t do that. I’m sorry Rosie. I’m so, so sorry.” Liam, Louis, Zayn and Niall - who up until now, had been held back by security - came running, and four pair of arms wrapped around him. They whispered soothing words, but he couldn’t hear them. The veterinarian still looked at Harry, waiting for his approval. Then David kneeled down besides Harry, and laid a firm hand on his shoulder. “Harry, they can’t do anything for her, and she’s in pain.” Harry closed his eyes. He couldn’t let Rosie suffer, and he wanted to give them his permission, but the words wouldn’t come. Instead he nodded furiously, as his sobs grew louder. “You’re very brave Harry. It’s the right thing to do for her. Come with me.” David said, but Harry shook his head, “Staying…” He heaved through the sobs. David squeezed his shoulder, and motioned for the boys to give Harry a little space. The arena had gone unbelievably quiet. The veterinarian got a syringe ready, and looked at Harry. “She won’t feel any pain. Do you want to say something?” Rosie lifted her head, placed it in Harry’s lap, and snorted feebly. “So sorry Rosie… I love you. I’m sorry.” The vet injected the drug, in Rosie’s neck, and Harry felt his heart breaking into a million pieces. Rosie nibbled at his jacket, and he caressed her muzzle. He could hear people crying all over the place, but he couldn’t have cared less.   
When the nibbling stopped, and Rosie’s head grew heavy, Harry let out a scream and wrapped his arms around her head. He couldn’t get himself to leave her, and he had no idea who the pair of arms that wrapped around him, belonged to. Nevertheless they got him up, and he felt empty and alone, as they supported him out of the arena. The audience rose to their feet and applauded as he exited. The arms belonged to Louis, and he felt like a rock - safe. Liam, Niall and Zayn were following close behind, and as they entered the paramedic tent, and Harry was sat on an examination couch, four pair of hands clung to his shoulders. A nurse examined Harry’s right wrist, and he answered with yes’ and no’s to her questions. Harry had stopped crying. Instead he felt like everything surrounding him had faded to darkness, and his insides were freezing. The nurse stated that he had a broken wrist, but he didn’t care. She sewed the slash over his eyebrow, but he didn’t care. When they got out, they were met with the sight of Rosie being dragged into a trailer, and Harry did care. His knees went weak, and he had to support himself against one of the boys, he wasn’t sure who. Someone tried to pull him in for a hug, but Harry pulled back, “I want to go home.”


	6. Chapter 5

After Rosie’s death, Harry slept a lot. When he wasn’t sleeping, he’d pretend to be so, to avoid conversations with the lads and his mom; she’d called him the day of the accident, already on her way to “be there for him”, but Harry had started shouting at her, telling her he didn’t want her to come. She kept insisting, right until he started crying heartbrokenly into the phone. She was crying too, but gave in, in the end, and promised him, she’d stay at home.   
The lads were all at loss of what to do; they’d make him breakfast, and one of them would bring it to his nightstand. Then before lunch, someone would walk in, pull the curtains to let in some light, sit down on his bedside for a few minutes, trying to get him to talk, but Harry kept quiet. Then they would remove his untouched breakfast, and return a bit later, bringing lunch. Harry didn’t eat a lot, usually just a bit of his dinner. Most of the time he would hear the boys’ low and concerned voices, through the door, but he never reacted to it. He knew Niall had been in their flat a lot; whenever he got off of work, he would get a lift by one of the other boys. Louis and Harry were never alone at night; at least one of the others would sleep on the couch, and Harry knew it was because they were worried that he’d have a breakdown.   
Harry knew he caused everyone a lot of troubles and worries, but he couldn’t help it. He’d killed Rosie, and no one was to blame, but him. Two words kept repeating themselves over and over again in his head; Riders fault. Riders fault. Riders fault. It was entirely his fault, and the papers and magazines knew that as well. They treated him pretty good, but every article - and there was a lot - made Harry feel even worse. At last he looked literally sick, and the deep, worried frowns his friends had been wearing, grew even deeper.   
Then a Wednesday in the first week of December, someone entered Harry’s room, not even bothering to knock. It was one of those god blessed afternoons, where Harry - for once - had a few hours for himself; Louis and Liam had practice, and Zayn had gone grocery shopping. Harry kept his eyes closed, hoping the “someone” would just disappear again. He didn’t. Instead a pair of arms wrapped around Harry, and forced him into a sitting position. Knowing he couldn’t pretend to be a sleep anymore, Harry unwillingly opened his eyes. Niall’s sea-blue eyes looked back at him. Harry could feel a lump form in his throat, and he swallowed hard, his lips starting to tremble. Then, without a word, Niall leaned forward and pressed his soft lips against Harry’s; Harry’s mind went blank. When the blonde, a few seconds later, pulled back, Harry fisted Niall’s t-shirt with his good hand, leaned his head against his chest and started to cry. Niall pulled him closer, and he could feel the fragile boy shaking, as violent sobs racked his body. Harry couldn’t stop crying, and Niall didn’t let go of him. He just held him, too afraid that the younger boy would break, if he let go. For a long time they just sat there, on Harry’s bed, wrapped around each other. Then Harry’s crying faded to small, vulnerable sobs, and Niall pulled back just enough to look down at him. “We’ll sort you out.” He rose to his feet, his protective arms still around Harry, and led both of them to the bathroom. He filled the bathtub with hot water, and motioned for Harry to get in, while he considerately turned around, so that Harry wouldn’t get embarrassed. Harry’s movements were slow and insecure as he got out of his clothes, and when he finally lowered himself into the tub, and let the hot water embrace his body, he was drained for energy. His right arm, wrapped in a plastic bag, was resting on the edge of the tub, to avoid the cast from getting ruined. Very carefully, Niall started washing his hair, and when Harry started sobbing again, Niall let him, while he continued his work. When Harry was clean, Niall helped him up, and wrapped a huge towel around him. Then he left Harry to dry himself off, and reentered the bathroom a few minutes later, carrying a pair of grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt, which he helped Harry put on.   
Harry followed Niall into the living room, where two mugs of steaming hot tea stood on the coffee table.   
They sat down next to each other, and Harry sipped at his tea, appreciating the warmth that spread through his body. Niall looked at him; the green eyes were red and puffy, with dark circles underneath them. He was pale white, and had been losing weight. “It’s my fault Niall. It’s all my fault.” Harry whispered; his voice hoarse from disuse. “No.” Niall shook his head, and started drawing patterns on Harry’s back. “It’s not. You’re going to get through this. I promise.” Slowly an overwhelming exhaustion washed over Harry, and he drifted off to sleep.   
When Zayn entered the flat, followed by Liam and Louis - who he’d been picking up - his face lit up in a smile, by the sight of Harry fast asleep, wrapped in Niall’s arms, leaning against his chest. “You’re a hero.” He mouthed at Niall, who just smiled at him. Liam closed the door quietly, and followed Zayn into Harry’s room, where they started cleaning. Louis followed them, but stopped in the doorway, and turned around to see Niall playing with Harry’s curls. He forced himself to look away, and went into his own room, to get some fresh bed linens.   
When he woke up, the living room was dimly lit, and Harry felt the rise and fall of Niall’s chest. Harry felt weird. He hadn’t had the time to cope with the kiss, and he wasn’t sure about how he felt, at all. He had no idea of what time it was, and he ended up drifting back to sleep.   
When he woke up the second time, he was in his own bed. The sheets were clean, and pleasant-smelling, and even though it was nice, Harry didn’t feel like he deserved it. A cup of tea had been brought to his nightstand, but at this time it was cold, and Harry let it be. Knowing he wouldn’t be able to handle all of his emotions and confusion right now, he turned over, and closed his eyes, hoping to fall right back into that blissful darkness. He couldn’t. He got up, grabbed the mug, and walked to the kitchen, where he emptied it into the sink, and filled it with water instead, which he quickly gulped down. He couldn’t understand how he’d gotten from the couch to his bed, or where Niall had gone, in the middle of the night, but he was too exhausted to be bothered about it. He dragged himself back to his room, and looked around. Someone had been placing flowers, cards and small presents all over his room. He frowned, and grabbed one of the nearest cards. “Dear Harry. So sorry to hear about your loss. We’re still here. Best wishes, the Henderson’s.” A lump formed in his throat, as realization hit him. He grabbed one of the small presents, and read the card. “Stay strong Harry.” He ripped the paper off, and revealed a small gold horseshoe, with the words “Believe” engraved. Harry let his fingers trace the letters, before he wrapped it in the paper again, and put it away. Then he curled up underneath the sheets, and tried to block out every thought, until he fell asleep for the third time that night.


	7. Chapter 6

“I wanna forget everything I know. I wanna neglect everything I shouldn’t. No man’s land is where I’m going. I just took off and I started driving; I left my house and all my belongings. I’m ready for the next episode.” I wanna forget, Absynthe Minded  
——

Harry was sitting on his bed; a weird roaring silence surrounded him, and he felt calm and troubled all at once. He looked around at all the presents, cards and flowers; he didn’t deserve any of it. He didn’t deserve to be here; to be alive. No one really wanted him here. He caused everyone problems; wasted their time. He wasn’t needed. He was a fiasco, he’d fucked everything up. He grabbed a vase and sat with it for a little while, admiring the flowers. Then he let it drop, recognition washing over him, as its pieces scattered all over the floor. He grabbed a glass, dropped it as well; a porcelain horse, a bowl, a plate. It all shattered like a reenact of Harry’s own heart breaking. When his phone started buzzing, he got up and hurled it against the wall. He could feel pieces of glass, cut through the skin of his feet, but it didn’t matter. He grabbed one of the floor-length curtains, and pulled it down. When he’d basically torn the entire room apart, he stood in front of the mirror. He looked at himself. Then, without taking his eyes off of himself, he smashed his good hand through the mirror. Harry liked it - seeing his own reflection shatter. It felt like he was matching the inside with the outside, even if it was just for a second. He was smiling; for the first time in weeks. He took a deep breath and grabbed two boxes from a shelf. He swept all the pieces of glass, porcelain and mirror together, and put it in one of the boxes. He threw the broken flowers out, got rid of all the paper and mopped the floor. He placed the other box on his desk, and started sorting his things. He put everything, with a connection to Rosie, in the box. Newspaper articles, pictures, his to-do list, Rosie’s papers, his show-jacket and jodhpurs along with the rosettes and trophies he’d won over the years. He ended up filling three boxes instead of just the one, and his room looked kind of empty. But Harry knew that it was necessary, if he wanted to move on. He figured he was alone in the flat, considering no one had noticed anything, and when he - with a lot of troubles - carried the boxes into the living room, a note taped to the fridge, confirmed his assumption; Woodbury meeting. There’s pizza in the fridge. Back around dinnertime; if not, we’ll give you a call. Harry was under an obligation to attend these meetings at Woodbury, just like everyone else, but apparently, it was okay for him to stay away this time. For him it could’ve been the same; he had no horse, and therefore no reason to show up at the stables. He got the first aid kit, and sat down on a chair to examine his hand and feet. When he got all the small pieces of glass out of his feet, they seemed okay; didn’t really hurt. His left hand was full of cuts, and it turned out to be quite the job, bandaging it, considering his right hand was in a cast. He felt rather disabled, having two useless hands. Well, with a little effort, he could use the left one, and he would soon be getting rid of the cast. Harry felt at ease, as he locked the door behind him. He took the stairs, and ended up on the roof, where he walked determined towards the edge. It was starting to get dark, and the wind ruffled his hair, as he sat down, and let his feet dangle over the edge. He’d always loved it up here, it was quite beautiful. The lights of a hundred Christmas decorations lit up the small province, and if you knew where to look, you could see London. He let his eyes wander, and got lost in his own thoughts. He heard a door open behind him, but pretended not to notice it; over the last couple of weeks he’d gone a lot of practice in ignoring. He kept his eyes locked on something in the horizon, as Niall handed him a jacket, and sat down next to him. Niall let his hand wrap around Harry’s, as if it was the most normal thing in the world, and Harry’s head started spinning. For a few minutes they just sat together, until Harry shook his head. Niall looked at him, “What?” “I might kiss you.” Niall looked back at him, and said matter-of-factly, “I might let you.” And then blue eyes locked on green ones, and neither of them knew who took initiative, because everything was a blur. Harry could feel a hand in his hair, pulling him closer; and lips so, so soft and wet against his own ones. He could feel a jawline underneath one of his hands, and a neck underneath the other one. Niall let Harry be in control for a little while, before he deepened the kiss, and wrapped his arms around the other boy’s body. Harry opened his mouth slightly, and suddenly there were tongues and tingling and bodies pressed way too hard against each other; and Harry lost his breathe, because everything was just a bit too perfect for him to handle. Niall turned them around, and let his bodyweight pin Harry against the ground, as he gently bit the younger boy’s upper lip. Harry felt dizzy, the air was cold and it felt nice, because Niall’s body was so warm against his. Niall pulled back, and Harry groaned, right until a pair of soft lips met his neck, and he felt like he was going mental, as the blonde pressed sloppy and then harsher kisses all the way from his neck to his collarbones. Niall pressed his lips against Harry’s once more, and paused. “I know you’re hurt,” another kiss, “but you’re too talented, you can’t give up.” Harry’s eyes were closed. “Yes I can. I don’t want to sit on a horse ever again. Can’t risk it.” Niall grabbed Harry’s left hand, and traced the bandages with his index finger. “Did it feel good?” “Yeah.” Niall nodded, “Please don’t do it again.” After a while they got up, and walked towards the door. “You should talk to Louis. I think he feels left over, or something.” Niall stated, as he opened the door for Harry, who shrugged. “By the way, we’re going ice-skating tonight.” “I’m not, that’s for sure.” Niall wrapped and arm around Harry’s shoulders. “Yeah you are.” Harry ended up having a good time. The other boys were already ready, when he and Niall emerged from the hall, and they handed the two boys a sandwich each, before they walked to the town square ice-skating rink. For the first time in a long time, Harry felt normal. He walked among his best friends, and they were all talking, joking and laughing. He didn’t really have to be a part of their conversations; he could just walk with them, and listen. Harry had never been very good at ice-skating, and he supported himself against the fence, most of the time, while enjoying the Christmas songs coming from the big speakers. He loved the way people dressed, when it was cold and Christmas-holiday was right around the corner; mittens, beanies, boots, big sweaters and jackets. He would’ve lied if he said he hadn’t fallen a few times, but he would also have lied if he said he didn’t have fun. As they walked back home, sore and stiff-legged, he even caught himself giggling. “I’m going to make hot chocolate!” Zayn announced, as he slammed the door open to his and Liam’s apartment. The boys all fell down in chairs and Liam started a fire in the fireplace. Soon enough Zayn placed 5 mugs of scalding hot chocolate with marshmallows on top, on the coffee table. The boys were all tired, and instead of talking, they listened to the crackling from the fire. When Liam fell asleep, on Zayn’s shoulder, Harry, Louis and Niall got up, and left Zayn to take care of the snoozing Liam. “Well I should be going.” Niall said, but Harry shook his head, and opened the door to his and Louis’ flat. “No you’ll stay here for the night. It’s too late to drive, and you can’t catch a bus at this time.” Louis’ face had turned slightly red, and Harry looked at him. “It’s okay, isn’t it?” “Yeah… Yeah sure. I’ll get some bedding for the couch.” Louis mumbled. They helped each other make the “bed”, and Harry learned that Niall looked ridiculously cute in his clothes. When Harry was absolutely sure, that Louis was asleep, he sneaked out of his room, and made his way to the couch. “Thank you.” he whispered, and smiled like a fool, when a pair of strong arms wrapped around him, and pulled him in for a kiss. “You’re welcome.” He could feel Niall smile into the kiss as well.


	8. Chapter 7

“Without you I get weak, and I can’t breathe, and I can’t breathe, and I can’t breathe without you with me. And I can’t live, and I can’t live without you, I can’t breathe and I can’t breathe, and I can’t breathe without you with me.” Can’t Breathe, Leona Lewis

 

As Aiden knocked on the door he felt his heart beat a little harder; the last time he’d visited him, Harry had turned to face the wall in the dark room of his, and refused to answer. “Come on in!” He heard Harry yell from his bedroom. Aiden turned to look at Louis, who just shrugged his shoulders and kept his eyes focused on his tea. Finally after taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open, and walked directly towards Harry who was sitting on a chair, looking up from the book he was reading. Aiden grabbed his arm and pulled him up, handed him one of his own winter-riding jackets, and pulled a dark grey beanie over his head. “We’re going to the stables.” He announced.   
“Well it’s nice to see you too Aiden thank you for giving me all these options.” Harry smiled ironically, and placed a bookmark in his book, before putting it on the table. “Okay.” He nodded, looking at Aiden. “Not that I really feel I belong there anymore, but I’ve got to empty my locker anyway, so why not?” He walked over to his nightstand and grabbed his keys, and walked past Aiden into the living room. Aiden stood still for a minute, trying to wrap his head around this cooperative side of Harry. When he entered the living room, Louis stood up, “I’d like to come as well, if that’s okay?” He asked, and Aiden nodded. “Yeah, sure. Let’s go then.” He felt at ease; he had feared that Harry would throw a fit at his suggestion.   
Harry was actually okay with this whole going-to-the-stables-thing; as he’d told Aiden, he no longer felt he had a relation to the place, but his plan was to get rid of all his horse-stuff, and if he wanted to do that, it was necessary for him, to go and empty his locker. When Aiden pulled up Woodbury’s driveway, Harry realized he was looking forward to seeing David again as well, and it wouldn’t be too bad to see the other lads ride. “Let’s go then.” Louis said from the backseat, as Aiden parked the car. They got out, and walked towards the entrance. “Ugh, I forgot my wallet in the car; I’ll be right with you lads.” Aiden said, and left Louis and Harry to themselves. Louis pushed the big doors open, and the familiar smell of horses, hay and dust was overwhelming. He patted the big red mare, Montana, and turned around to look at Harry, as he said, “Harry, I miss us be-” Harry’s face was pale white, and his eyes wide with fear. His eyes were open, but it seemed like he wasn’t looking. His legs started shaking, and then they gave in; Harry fell to the ground. Louis closed the distance between them within seconds, and he knelt down next to his best friend. “Harry? Harry what’s happening? Hey!” He forced Harry to sit up, and grabbed his shoulders. “Harry talk to me, what’s happening?” Harry’s breathing was uneven, and came out in violent sobs. “Hey is he okay?” Mike, the owner of Montana, asked. “NO! No he’s not! Find Zayn or Liam!”   
“…Can’t-” Harry cried. “…breathe..” Louis was starting to panic, but he managed to get the younger boy to put his head between his legs. His entire body was shaking violently, and Louis had to support him. He whispered soothing words into his ears, and rubbed his back. People were starting to gather around them, and Louis had never been so grateful for almost empty stables in his life. Suddenly Aiden, Liam and Zayn were kneeling next to them. Tears were streaming down Harry’s face, and every breath he tried to take, caused unpleasant and hoarse sounds. “Harry, it’s okay, it’s okay. Focus on my breathing, try to focus on my breathing.” Louis pleaded, while he tried to catch Harry’s eyes.   
“… need-“ Harry heaved. “What do you need? Water? Focus on my breathing Hazza. Calm down, it’s okay.”   
“… Niall…” Louis stopped talking, sat still for a minute and then, as he got up and walked away, he saw Niall kneeling down next to Harry, with a worried frown on his face.   
“… Scared…” Niall cupped Harry’s face with his hands, and brought it up, so that he could look Harry in the eyes. “Harry look at me.” His voice was calm and it almost didn’t tremble. Harry looked up. “Good, now breathe with me, okay?” Aiden and Liam got up and made the small crowd disappear, as Niall and Harry breathed together. “Long deep breaths, okay?” After a few minutes, Harry’s breathing was almost back to normal; still a bit shaky but less raspy, and more even. Harry wasn’t supporting himself at all; his entire bodyweight was leaning on Niall, who had wrapped his arms around him. “Are you okay?”   
“…Cold.” Harry whispered back. Niall turned his head to look at Aiden, Zayn and Liam. “Let’s get him to the inside.” They carried Harry, who was unable to walk by himself, all the way to the riders’ common room, where they laid him down on a couch, and covered him with their jackets. “Zayn we should really go find Louis.” Liam said in a low voice, and Zayn nodded, before turning to Niall. “Will you be alright? We’ve got our phones and stuff.”   
Niall nodded, “Yes we’ll be okay; we’ve got him. Make sure Louis is okay.” And with that the two boys left Aiden and Niall with Harry, who was still sobbing quietly, eyes closed. Aiden frowned, “Do you think we should call an ambulance, or something?” “No I think he’ll be alright. He needs to sleep though, and eat. Could you get my stuff and carry it down to the cabin, and then I’ll get Harry?” He handed his keys to Aiden, who nodded, and picked up Niall’s rucksack and the jackets Harry had been using as blankets.   
Niall helped Harry to sit up, and then he crouched down in front of him, pulling him up on his back. Harry’s arms hung limply over Niall’s shoulders, and Niall had to lean forward, to make sure Harry wouldn’t fall backwards. Aiden was already there, when they got to the cabin, and he helped Niall carry the unconscious Harry, up the stairs and place him on Niall’s bed. “Thanks mate. Could you text Liam and tell him that Harry’ll stay here for the night?” Aiden nodded, “Sure. And you’ll be okay? Just give me a call if you need anything.” He scribbled his number down on the back of a receipt and handed it to Niall, before he left the room and let himself out of the house.   
Niall walked over to his dresser and found a hoodie and a pair of PJ pants. He carefully pulled of Harry’s big winter boots, the jacket, the sweater, the jersey and the jeans. Harry started shivering slightly, and Niall quickly got him in the sleepwear, and tugged the comforter and a few blankets tightly around him. Then he sat down on the bedside, and watched the comforter rise and fall, when Harry breathed. He tangled his fingers in Harry’s luscious curls, and after a few minutes Harry’s mouth fell open; he was asleep. Niall scrubbed a hand down his face, and caressed Harry’s right hand; he’d gotten rid of the cast two days earlier. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Harry’s forehead. Then he got up, grabbed his laptop, closed the door behind him and walked downstairs. It was 5pm; he knew Harry would be sleeping for a while, and that he would most likely be starving when he woke up, so he decided to order pizzas. Then he started researching. He looked through hundreds of pages on the internet, found a few books as well; he was on the phone for what seemed like hours, only interrupted by the deliveryman delivering the pizzas, which he put in the fridge. He made himself a cup of tea, and curled up on the couch, the coffee table was covered in books and small notes. He called his aunt, he explained the situation to her and she gave him all the numbers and websites she could think of.   
At 00:27 he heard small sounds from upstairs, and he gathered all the books and papers and put them aside. He went to the kitchen and put the pizzas in the oven. The stars creaked. Niall arranged four pillows and two blankets on the couch opposite the one he’d been sitting in. “Hi…” Harry’s voice was low and vulnerable. Niall took a few steps forward, and put his arms around Harry, who gratefully fisted the soft fabric of Niall’s t-shirt, and placed his head in the crook of Niall’s neck. “Sorry.” Harry whispered, but the blonde shook his head. “Don’t be.” They stood like that for a little while, before Harry pulled back. “Hungry?” “Starving.” Harry nodded. Niall got the pizzas and guided Harry to the living room. Harry, still freezing a little, pulled the blankets around himself, and started eating very slowly. “We’ve got to talk, Harry.” Niall said, after finishing the first slice. “How do you feel?” Harry didn’t look up, but answered like he was talking to the pizza. “Sick.” Niall cleared his throat.   
“I’ve gotten you a psychiatrist.”


	9. Chapter 8

What does he do? What does he do to you that’s so nice? And how does it feel when he takes your hand and kisses it twice? Lying with you, down in the snow, letting him do all of the things he wants to. - Lover in the Snow, Weezer

Harry’s hand was trembling, as he shook Dr. Ward’s hand. His wrist was still weaker than the left one, but at least his right hand was without the light pink scars that covered his left one. Dr. Ward, the psychiatrist, put a firm hand on Harry’s shoulder. “You’ll be fine Harry. You will. You just have to believe it yourself. Try to overcome at least one of the challenging things, and then I’ll see you after Christmas, okay? If anything comes up, you just give me a call, and we’ll figure something out.” Harry nodded, and mumbled a ‘thank you’ before he walked out the door. He walked straight towards the chairs, saw Niall rise to his feet, and buried himself in the arms of the blonde, who wrapped himself tightly around Harry’s shaking body. Harry nuzzled his head into the crock of Niall’s neck, and Niall kept whispering sweet words in his ear. “You’re fine. You’re okay, I’m here. Schh, it’s okay.” This was the fourth time in three weeks that Harry had been therapy, and he still reacting just as strong afterwards, as he had the very first time. He was still crying and shaking every time he got out from the white and cold room, and let Niall embrace him. Niall had been going with him every single time, not once complaining about having to ditch work, or when Harry had less than no energy, and Niall had to take care of him. The day after Harry’s panic attack, Louis packed a few bags, got Pandora in the trailer and drove home to his mom’s for Christmas, two weeks earlier than planned. He left a note for Harry, which said nothing more and nothing less than; Gone to my mom’s. Merry Christmas. L Zayn and Liam had been there, and Liam tried to soothe Harry, who had been tearing up again. “It’s okay Harry; you just have to give him a little time. He’s worried about you, you know.” After one night alone in the apartment, Harry had moved in with Niall, and now there he was, with the other boy’s arms around him, trying to stop himself from crying, because he’d been doing that, way too much. Niall drew random patterns on his back, and kept whispering. “You’re doing great, I’m so proud of you. Do you wanna go home?” Harry nodded, and they walked outside, and through the snow towards the parking lot. Harry grabbed Niall’s hand, and Niall shoved both of their hands in the pocket of his jacket. Harry loved the snow; it was white and clean, and muffled all the noise. They didn’t talk at all in the car, on their way to the cabin, because both of them had learned, that Harry needed a little time to grasp the entire situation. Instead Niall turned on the heating and the radio, which played nothing but Christmas songs. It took them nearly half an hour to get home, and it was late in the afternoon. Niall turned the engines off, and looked at Harry. “Do you want to do anything today, or do you want to wait?” Harry traced the scars on his left hand with a finger. “I want to go to the stables.” Niall felt a lump of pride and worry form in his gut, but he was clever enough, not to mention or question anything. Instead he grabbed his keys, and got out of the car. Harry followed him, and they walked side by side, straight past the cabin, and towards the back entry of the stables. This time Niall took Harry’s hand in his, and squeezed it. They stopped before the door, “David and most of the girls, are at the Christmas Show in Brighton, the stables should be empty. Are you ready for this?” Harry bit his lip hard, and closed his eyes for a second, before he nodded determinedly. Niall tightened his grip around Harry’s hand, as he reached for the handle and opened the door. He could feel Harry tense up, next to him, and was awed when the scared boy took a deep breathe, and stepped inside. At first it was terrifying, but Niall was great and tied DJ outside of its loose box. “I’m not supposed to be scared of him.” Harry was keeping his distance to the horse, as Niall pulled of the stable blanket, and patted the horse. “Don’t worry; you’ll get the hang of it again. It’ll just take some getting used to.” Niall then went to get his grooming-kit and the winter blanket, and as Harry was left alone with the piebald horse, he slowly approached it. After a few minutes, he was close enough to touch it, and he reached out and laid his hand on DJ’s muzzle. It felt so familiar and warm and welcoming that Harry could do nothing but move a bit closer. DJ made a low snort, and pushed Harry with its head. “Hi boy.” Harry chuckled, and let his hands run in comforting circles down the strong neck; Rosie used to love it. Soon enough DJ was absolutely relaxed, head hanging heavily. Harry looked around in the stables, hands continuing their work; the horses were all calm; chewing, lying down or just making small satisfied noises. “Made a friend?” Niall said in a low voice, and Harry turned around to give him a small proud smile. “Yes.” “Good.” Niall nodded, “Let me just give him his winter blanket on, and we can take him to the field, for a run, okay?” Niall put on the blanket, and smeared the insides of all four hooves with hoof fat, so the snow wouldn’t stick. He grabbed a dark green lead rope, and fastened it to the matching dark green halter. “Do you want to lead him?” he asked. “No, I’d rather not.” Harry answered, and simple as that, they started walking. It was dark outside, but Woodbury had lamps scattered evenly on its ground, which made it possible to see. The snow was still falling, and it cracked beneath their feet. DJ was walking a bit faster, as they neared the field, and when Niall let him loose, he raced around, bucking a bit before he threw himself on the ground and started rolling in the snow. The strong horse looked so happy, and Harry was biting his lip and didn’t even look at Niall, when he said it. “I’m falling in love with you.” Niall watched DJ trotting around for a bit, before he answered. “Good. About time.” Then he tackled Harry, and managed to get him to lie down in the snow, but Harry had a good grip in Niall’s jacket, and soon they were both lying in the cold, wet and wonderfully white snow. Harry straddled Niall’s hips, and used his hands, to pin the other boy’s arms to ground. He leaned down and kissed Niall’s forehead, his cheeks, his cold nose and then his lips. Niall lifted his head a bit, to deepen the kiss, and suddenly he rolled them over, so that he was on top of Harry instead. They were both soaked to the skin, and Niall laughed into the kiss, when he felt snow trickle down his neck. “Come on, we’ll get sick.” He rose to his feet, and reached out a hand, to help Harry up. Niall fastened the lead rope to DJ’s halter again, and Harry opened the fence for them. “C’mere.” Harry did as he said. “Here.” Niall handed him the rope, but Harry shook his head. “I don’t want to.” “Harry you can do it. I’m right here, next to you.” “I really don’t want to do it…” “What if we do it together?” Very hesitantly, Harry reached out and grabbed the rope. Niall moved his hand further back. “Good. Now let’s go.” Harry started walking, Niall walking right behind him, and DJ willingly followed Harry. “That’s it.” Niall smiled. He had to bite his lip, not to shout with joy. It seemed like a small thing, but it really wasn’t. It was huge, and Niall couldn’t remember he’d ever been so proud before. They got DJ back in his loose box, and Harry helped feeding all the horses. Normally they’d be a bit irritated and kind of aggressive to each other, but for once, to Harry’s relief, they were pretty calm. When they got back to the cabin, Niall quickly pulled on some sweatpants and a hoodie, and headed for the kitchen to make them dinner, while Harry went to the bathroom to take a shower. He was absolutely freezing and he needed a little time to grasp the events of the day. He turned the water on and waited for the temperature to be okay. He got in, and let the water warm up his exhausted body. He let his head hang, letting the water pour down over it. He was getting better. Today had been a proof that he was. He caught himself wondering what Louis would say, when he texted him, but quickly shoved the thought into the back of his head. He would text Liam and Zayn, and he would call his mom. He was really looking forward to spending Christmas with her and Gemma. Again Louis crept into his head, reminding him, that their families wouldn’t be spending Christmas together this year, like they’d done the past 5 years. Harry shook his head, stepped out of the shower, got dressed and went downstairs to eat. Niall smiled at him, when he walked down the stairs, and Harry felt warmth spread in his body.


End file.
